Right well I should be hopefully reaching my 2000th viewer this time round. When you are reading this just check down at the bottom where the reader count thingy is. If you're number 2000; let me know! It would be nice and not creepy whatsoever.
Presupposing that more than 12 people actually read this anyway.
I hope so. I get more viewers in the holiday time. Seeing as it's vaguely around holiday time now hopefully people will be very bored, see that I've written a blog and read something other than increasingly bitchy statuses on facebook.
I mean I like to think that these blogs are vaguely interesting/absolutely hilarious but obviously it could be the funniest blog in the world yet would probably be pretty pointless if nobody read it.
Anybody listening in to me writing one of these will probably hear sniggers and snorts as I laugh at my own jokes.
If that isn't sad enough I do occasionally get bored and re-read these. Just to remind me of how funny I actually am.
Brb. Going to get my new hat.
...
...
...
Back :D Exciting times!
Anyways moving on... Guns don't kill people... rappers do.
(completely related I know; I'm listening to it now.)
It's quite funny because we have these rappers that are professional etc. though I think I've found the winning answer for these.
It's simple maths really.
You take:
A hard life in the ghetto + money + "pussy" (though I'm not sure what cats actually have to do with it)
Gold chains, false teeth and several bullet wounds are optional but not required.
So I'm decided to move to a council estate, win the lottery... and buy a cat.
See you in the charts motherfuckers! (It's also important that I swear all the time too. Helps the badboy image.)
I need to drop all usage of spelling and grammar as this is perceived as "cool" and "with it" (or maybe "kwl" and "wit it yo brap, g, re-fucking-load {got my swearing in there})
Or maybe not...
Maybe I could be Andy Murray and rap about having fans etc.
Or I could be the worlds first grammatically correct rap-person with "sweet rhymes" such as the number 1 hit "i before e except after c".
Or maybe not that either.
The truth is that I will never make it as a rapper.
Nor do I really plan to.
Too many women. Too many guns and I don't plan on taking Emily to the candy shop.
I guess the rap scene just isn't ready for me yet.
However in the words of the artist known as "Phil"
"yes, well, legibility and correct punctuation might not be "street"... but that's how I roll, motherfucker."
MC Adam Legg.
"Alright stop... collaborate and listen" - Miss Davies.
Monday, 19 December 2011
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
On the road to driving godness.
The more observant of you will observe with all your powers of observingness (that is a word) that I am still not driving.
This, I have decided, is not my fault.
Nor is it the fault of my uncle, who, over the year that I've been driving nearly, has been a patient, albeit brave, teacher.
It is the fault of the hazard perception test.
It doesn't actually specify what a hazard actually is.
And if for example a caring member of the British community felt that four hooded teenagers doing a crack deal at the side of the road is worth about 5 million clicks that he feels is not only a hazard to the lives of the yobs involved but all those around them.
You never know. One might suddenly burst into a crack fueled rage and decide he is infact invincible and the bonnet of my car is a good thing to test this newfound power against. I'd count that as a hazard.
Or the fact that the trees your driving past could be the home to a wide assortment of vampires/ninjas/lost old people who could, at any moment, jump down and assault your vehicle with fangs, discs and worthers original.
I'd count that as a hazard too!
What if the sheep, innocently passing in front of your car waved on by a farmer who really does nothing for the stereotype) had rabies? You could be in risk of catching a disease that is potentially fatal if the crazed sheep somehow broke into your car and attacked you.
Have you ever seen a sheep run? You wouldn't be able to get away. It'd keep coming and coming and coming. And then you'd have rabies.
I'd say that's a hazard. Rabies, in the past, has been considered to be quite hazardous.
All this is apparently incorrect in the world where a car turning out 5 miles ahead of you is the dawning of the next Apocalypse.
Its just that I like to plan ahead for these things.
All you people who are laughing and don't will one day fall victim of an invincible teenager, a fully armed old person or that you didn't quite lock your doors quick enough to stop that crazy ball of wool from infecting you with rabies.
You were drawn in by their cute propaganda of Sean the sheep and Timmy time. You might even be old enough to have been influenced by menace-to-the-street Larry the Lamb. They are coming. The sheep will rule. LONG LIVE KING COTTON
...sorry I don't know what quite happened there. However my sheep bite is burning....
Adam
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... wait, what?
Btw who will be the 2000th viewer? baa.
This, I have decided, is not my fault.
Nor is it the fault of my uncle, who, over the year that I've been driving nearly, has been a patient, albeit brave, teacher.
It is the fault of the hazard perception test.
It doesn't actually specify what a hazard actually is.
And if for example a caring member of the British community felt that four hooded teenagers doing a crack deal at the side of the road is worth about 5 million clicks that he feels is not only a hazard to the lives of the yobs involved but all those around them.
You never know. One might suddenly burst into a crack fueled rage and decide he is infact invincible and the bonnet of my car is a good thing to test this newfound power against. I'd count that as a hazard.
Or the fact that the trees your driving past could be the home to a wide assortment of vampires/ninjas/lost old people who could, at any moment, jump down and assault your vehicle with fangs, discs and worthers original.
I'd count that as a hazard too!
What if the sheep, innocently passing in front of your car waved on by a farmer who really does nothing for the stereotype) had rabies? You could be in risk of catching a disease that is potentially fatal if the crazed sheep somehow broke into your car and attacked you.
Have you ever seen a sheep run? You wouldn't be able to get away. It'd keep coming and coming and coming. And then you'd have rabies.
I'd say that's a hazard. Rabies, in the past, has been considered to be quite hazardous.
All this is apparently incorrect in the world where a car turning out 5 miles ahead of you is the dawning of the next Apocalypse.
Its just that I like to plan ahead for these things.
All you people who are laughing and don't will one day fall victim of an invincible teenager, a fully armed old person or that you didn't quite lock your doors quick enough to stop that crazy ball of wool from infecting you with rabies.
You were drawn in by their cute propaganda of Sean the sheep and Timmy time. You might even be old enough to have been influenced by menace-to-the-street Larry the Lamb. They are coming. The sheep will rule. LONG LIVE KING COTTON
...sorry I don't know what quite happened there. However my sheep bite is burning....
Adam
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... wait, what?
Btw who will be the 2000th viewer? baa.
Thursday, 1 December 2011
A close shave.
I should be reaching my 2000th view sometime soon.
It might be with this post...
most likely it will be the next!
Or maybe not at all! WHO KNOWS?
IT COULD BE YOU! *mysterious music*
Anyway back on track. What I actually wanted to come and write to you about was the end of Movember and all the goodness it bought with it.
I had just come back from doing some editorial work for the university newspaper when I was told by Jade that it was nearly midnight! EXCITING TIMES!
I rushed into my bedroom to ready my razor.
Here's what my mind decided to happen. Bearing in mind my life, in my head, is a musical.
I entered the room.
We're leaving together... and still we stand tall
Coz maybe they've seen us... something something something...
ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
lala la la
lalalalalaaaa
lala la la
lalalalalalaaaa
Something along those lines anyway.
Not with all those people in the background though. That's just a little creepy.
I think if I was shaving and someones face popped up in the mirror screaming the final countdown at me. I'd probably cut myself.
Which, surprisingly enough, hurts.
Plus when you cut your face. Does it stop bleeding? No it bloody well doesn't!
Numerous rolls of toilet roll stuck to my face later... It's still bleeding! Not helpful when your late for something... like the line for time keeping. The irony would've probably killed me.
Anyway clicking play on the video of my life I am currently entering the bathroom...
I grasped hold on my razor and held it in the air!
AAAHHHHHHH DA BINNN YAAAAAAA
DAABAADEE DABBA DAAA
I barely resisted the urge to wake the whole block up by screaming "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL" at the top of my voice.
Apparently people don't like being woken up by battle cries! Who knew?
My shaving skills were like Barry Scott on the Cilit bang advert. BANG...
...and I'd cut myself three bloody times!
Numerous toilet rolls later and I'd managed to clot the gaping wound which was at least the size of the rubber on the end of a pencil. THAT BIG!
Despite the war wound that I currently carried on my face I battled through to shave. Earning man points along the way by not crying.
I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy.
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Smoothness... mmmm... my chin feels nice.
Moving on at a reasonable pace.
After my entry about dancing last week about my dancing skills earning me the title of "white gangster" last week.
(A title I really want Bruce Forsythe to come out with on strictly come dancing
"Didn't they do well?
Those moves reminded me of when I was a white gangster...
When I was hip to the hop and 'down with the kids'
Seeing you dance makes me want to put my baseball cap on backwards and listen to snoop dogg")
I WON A DANCEOFF.
I'm feeling cool and "safe" already.
Infront of the whole Students Union Bar my pub quiz team had drawn with another team.
Anyway I went out
I busted some moves
and a hip.
And won.
Gotta love drinks vouchers.
Will see if I can try and get a video up at some point
Anyway I'm off to do my radio show
8-10pm www.frequencyradio.co.uk
THE LEGG UP
Adam xxx
Smart/Casual
Dinner Jacket - Very Smart
Naked - Very casual.
Going out wearing nothing but a dinner jacket... now that's smart casual.
It might be with this post...
most likely it will be the next!
Or maybe not at all! WHO KNOWS?
IT COULD BE YOU! *mysterious music*
Anyway back on track. What I actually wanted to come and write to you about was the end of Movember and all the goodness it bought with it.
I had just come back from doing some editorial work for the university newspaper when I was told by Jade that it was nearly midnight! EXCITING TIMES!
I rushed into my bedroom to ready my razor.
Here's what my mind decided to happen. Bearing in mind my life, in my head, is a musical.
I entered the room.
We're leaving together... and still we stand tall
Coz maybe they've seen us... something something something...
ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
lala la la
lalalalalaaaa
lala la la
lalalalalalaaaa
Something along those lines anyway.
Not with all those people in the background though. That's just a little creepy.
I think if I was shaving and someones face popped up in the mirror screaming the final countdown at me. I'd probably cut myself.
Which, surprisingly enough, hurts.
Plus when you cut your face. Does it stop bleeding? No it bloody well doesn't!
Numerous rolls of toilet roll stuck to my face later... It's still bleeding! Not helpful when your late for something... like the line for time keeping. The irony would've probably killed me.
Anyway clicking play on the video of my life I am currently entering the bathroom...
I grasped hold on my razor and held it in the air!
AAAHHHHHHH DA BINNN YAAAAAAA
DAABAADEE DABBA DAAA
I barely resisted the urge to wake the whole block up by screaming "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL" at the top of my voice.
Apparently people don't like being woken up by battle cries! Who knew?
My shaving skills were like Barry Scott on the Cilit bang advert. BANG...
...and I'd cut myself three bloody times!
Numerous toilet rolls later and I'd managed to clot the gaping wound which was at least the size of the rubber on the end of a pencil. THAT BIG!
Despite the war wound that I currently carried on my face I battled through to shave. Earning man points along the way by not crying.
I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy.
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Smoothness... mmmm... my chin feels nice.
Moving on at a reasonable pace.
After my entry about dancing last week about my dancing skills earning me the title of "white gangster" last week.
(A title I really want Bruce Forsythe to come out with on strictly come dancing
"Didn't they do well?
Those moves reminded me of when I was a white gangster...
When I was hip to the hop and 'down with the kids'
Seeing you dance makes me want to put my baseball cap on backwards and listen to snoop dogg")
I WON A DANCEOFF.
I'm feeling cool and "safe" already.
Infront of the whole Students Union Bar my pub quiz team had drawn with another team.
Anyway I went out
I busted some moves
and a hip.
And won.
Gotta love drinks vouchers.
Will see if I can try and get a video up at some point
Anyway I'm off to do my radio show
8-10pm www.frequencyradio.co.uk
THE LEGG UP
Adam xxx
Smart/Casual
Dinner Jacket - Very Smart
Naked - Very casual.
Going out wearing nothing but a dinner jacket... now that's smart casual.
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